PANDEMIC 2 coughs up a good time

Okay, I know I'm late to the party on Pandemic 2, the free flash strategy game you can play after you click right here. I tend to ignore most computer games, particularly the casual ones like FarmVille or MafiaFace or whatever else is floating around. I'm not trying to be hoity-toity about it, I swear! First of all, I'm on a Mac, and while there are games available, most of them won't run on my machine. As for internet-based games, well, all those on Facebook seem rather irritating. If I could just, like, grow my own crops or something I might start clicking...but having to ask (aka harass) my cyberfriends to see if I can borrow a bucket or whatthefuckever so I can grow said crops? Nah. I'm not into the community aspects of it. As I said, this doesn't make me hoity-toity- it makes me a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

So no, I don't generally pay attention to computer games, especially is they're anchored to a browser. I do, however, dream of someday having a bitch-ass gaming PC, at which point my assimilation into full-blown nerdhermit will be complete. Still, I read a bit about Pandemic 2 and though the rest of the world has known about it forever, I got all excited about this new thing whilst restraining said excitement in case it stunk.

Stunk it didn't.

In Pandemic 2, you create a deadly virus, bacteria, or parasite, name it and use it to try to kill everyone in the world.


As you advance, you basically level up, choosing different symptoms, resistances, traits, and modes of transmission. Strategy comes in to play from the get go; while having your virus cause vomiting sounds, you know, fun, it's a very noticeable symptom. Fever, on the other hand, is insidious and barely noticeable at all. The key is to keep things on the downlow- if a government catches wind of the problem, they'll close down airports and harbors...and no international travel means no international disease-spreading.

Pandemic 2 is tough to conquer, but watching the death toll rise is oddly compelling. Seeing the words "Disease spotted in Madagascar" brought a huge smile to my face, I'm almost ashamed to say, and I felt like a real James Bond villain the one time I actually wiped out all life on Earth.



Of course, this calls a few things into question. Am I the disease itself? Am I a supervillain hiding on my asteroid base or something and thus far away from the chaos? Am I a superintelligent animal who has decided to get all "down with people"? What do I do after I've wiped out all life? It might get boring, sitting on that asteroid all alone. One can only gloat for so long, after all.

None of that matters, though! What matters is that I found I was immediately hooked on Pandemic 2 and tried out all manner of bacteria, virus, and parasite, which lead to a serious case of the "mua ha ha"s. Seriously, when Stacicoccus Phlegmeticus became the lovechild of Ebola, the Black Plague, and Pac-Man Fever all rolled into one, I reveled in my power every time someone sneezed their way to the grave.